A man for whom you have no zeal

Approaches you to dance the reel

His skin looks like an orange peel

His handshake makes your blood congeal

Now, do you shriek or squawk or squeal?

Oh no, you say, 'The reel? Ideal'

To be genteel

(To be genteel)

You must conceal

(I must conceal)

And not reveal

(And not reveal)

The way you feel

(The way I feel)

It's not the style

(It's not the style)

To smile or frown

(To smile or frown)

The nose is up

(The nose is up)

The eyes cast down

(The eyes cast down)

Before the Ball, there'll be a meal

They'll pass the bread - you'll take the heel

Though overcooked, you'll eat the veal

You'll also taste the pickled eel

Then clap your hands like some trained seal

And tell the king, 'The meal? Ideal'

To be genteel, you must conceal

And not reveal the way you feel

To flush or blush, one can't afford

So learn the art of looking bored

To show any kind of feeling is distinctly out of fashion

And only in rare instances, may one exhibit passion

You may show some slight excitement

At the opera or a fox-hunt

But you may not show emotion

At the death of your pet daschund

At a funeral or wedding,

At High Mass or at high tea

Concealing, not revealing,

What you're feeling is the key

When I'm so mad that I could spit,

I must pretend the opposite

I mustn't frown

I mustn't smile

To feel at all is out of style

I mustn't cry

I mustn't laugh

A giggle is a dreadful gaffe

To be genteel sounds just a bit

Like being just a hypocrite

To be genteel, you must conceal

(Then I don't want to be genteel)

And not reveal the way you feel

(It's much too much of an ordeal)

You have to bow and scrape and kneel

You have to keep an even keel

You have to smell of chamomile

And imitate an imbecile

I wasn't meant -

(Just do your best)

I wasn't meant -

(You'll pass the test)

I wasn't meant to be genteel!

Performed by Puss (Christopher Walken), Corin (Jason Connery; Singing Voice provided by Nick Curtis), Lady Clara (Elki Jacobs) & Princess Vera (Carmela Marner)

Lyrics by Anne Cromwell

Music by Michael Abbott